Changes

I take people for granted. People I see day-to-day consistently, people who help me with countless things, people who are patient, dedicated, and passionate about life.

Magda is one of these people... my closest co-worker for the past year, my confidant, the rock in the music program, the hardest worker here at Fabretto, the one who brings people together, the eloquent one in staff meetings who brings us all back to what we're really focused on: kids.

Magda's leaving Fabretto.

She told me this morning, it's something she's been thinking about for years. She's stayed because she had no other option, and because of the kids. But these two reasons only work for so long, they do not sustain someone working in one place forever. If one constantly hears from the top-down that their actions are not producing the type of "results" expected, that their work isn't "enough", and has every ounce of work they're doing minimized... one is bound to leave.

Magda says BASTA (enough), and has chosen to take care of herself and Cindy finally, rather than focusing on others. She tells me the decision has killed her inside and that she can't sleep, that she hasn't been able to sleep for weeks thinking about our students.

I want to be angry at her, I do not want to understand.
I do not want this to be my reality right now.
I want her to stay. I am selfish, but I need her.

But how can I be angry when she has made this decision out of a respect for herself, when she is following what she believes she needs to do to take care of her family? I do understand the frustrations she must have faced in the past seven years working for Fabretto- things here are hopelessly unorganized and it's difficult sometimes to keep pushing on through the administrative mess we're faced with as teachers on the ground level.

Fabretto losing Magda is a tremendous blow. Not only to the music program, to the students, but to the organization as a whole. Magda is one of those people who can be counted on at any given moment to drop anything to lend a hand. She is one of the kindest people I have ever known. I know she will not be leaving Cusmapa, that we will still be friends, that she will still come to visit the Oratorio, that she will guide me whenever I need help.

All things go.
I just wish that all things didn't go at the same time...
because as it is now, I feel like everything is crashing down at once
and I am completely helpless in stopping the fall.